they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
