So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
