Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
