i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
