i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
