he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize