My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
