Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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