I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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