the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
