ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Damn victory sex feels great
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
