Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
