I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
