xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
