i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
