yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
