I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
