So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
