HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
