what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
