I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
