Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
