Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
