Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
