There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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