Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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