Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize