She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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