what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
