So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
