Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
