If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
