hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
