Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
