sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
