i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
