so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
