I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
