My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize