no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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