i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
