Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
