The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
