i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
