It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
