Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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