we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
