my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i now understand why vodka
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
PANTIES FOUND
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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