Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
