yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
