Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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