I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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