i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
