Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
