the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
PANTIES FOUND
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