Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
