Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
