and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
