And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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