I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
