fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
