Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
its liver damage thursday
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
