it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
