Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
