If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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