I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
