of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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