Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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