New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
