But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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