You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
