When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
