Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
