my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
