You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
