Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
