Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The power of my boobs compel you
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
