i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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