go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
