butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
