saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
