oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
