I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
